The feeling of depression

sometimes, we arent jus tt lucky in life.. be it frens/ school/ work/ love/ family...

emotionally, i feel v depressed these days. and more paranoid i guess (?)

i dunno wads exactly on my mind.. cos there's too much things running thru me.. i dunno how to handle. and i dunno who to turn to.

At one moment, i feel like a failure.

everyday i wake up telling myself to be happy, that it is a brand new day of smiles and not tears.. but it nvr worked. it nvr did.

within 1/2hr, there wld be tears in my eyes, be it on de bus/ train.. and at work. de ladies is de best place to calm myself down.. but soon later, my eyes will be welled wif tears (again).

i try to be strong. i try to put on a smile. but deep down.. thats not how i feel.

today, as i approach the mrt track, my mind had a sudden urge to jus walk down into de track..

i think, i feel lost. aimless. and hopeless.

i dunno wad im expecting for, or hoping for.. cos de more i expect, de greater de disappointment..

tonite, i hope i dun cry myself to sleep (again).. .. its painful, in my heart.